Sehnsucht

The question of, "Are you homesick?" often arises and sometimes, I rather feel guilty in answering it.

No, no, I'm not homesick. Not exactly.

 I've been at college for three years. With working during the summers, I really only see my family at Christmas. Among home, college and summer work, I've moved 8 times in the last three years and have not been in any place longer than about four months.

My resemblance to a rolling stone, then, gets at the heart of what I feel here: sehnsucht. Oh, not the intense longing for home or the familiar that  can never be attained that the word sometimes means. It's the sehnsucht that Lewis talked about in his work on Joy. It's the feeling of not belonging in this world, of knowing that there must be more. It is the longing for an eternal home; the desire for an eternal belonging.

I don't belong here, as much as I might enjoy it here - I am an alien and a stranger in a strange land. The language isn't mine, the customs aren't mine, and the land isn't mine. Just the same, these small feelings only swerve to magnify the overall feeling of desire for an everlasting home that is mine; a place where I shall know even as I am known. While that desire exists at all times, it's must easier to cover it up, hide it, and stuff it into the corners of my mind when I have my home and family around me.

So, no, I'm not home sick; I'm Home sick.